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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26811688">you love him,</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EyeMug/pseuds/EyeMug'>EyeMug</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Original Work</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Temporary Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 12:02:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>597</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26811688</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EyeMug/pseuds/EyeMug</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>And suddenly you're both on the ground and you just feel angry, angry angry angry. You want to scream. You crawl, instead, towards him, always towards him. He's the light at the end of the tunnel. He's so good. And you're so bad. And you don't deserve him. But you have him. He's yours. And he loves you. And you can't lose him. You. Can't. Lose. Him.</p>
<p>You lost him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Original Male Character/Original Male Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you love him,</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>You love him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His smile, his little chipped tooth that only just peaks out. The way his eyes brighten whenever he sees - any of you. Any of you. He loves all of you. You all love him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That's why you don't realize what's happening.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You're distracted by the way his hand is shaking, you're distracted by the way you want to hold it, to hold him, to whisper words of encouragement that you don't even believe, not here, not now, but that you pray he does. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You're distracted by the way he steps towards you, shakey, like his hand, like a fawn, almost. You've never seen a fawn. If they were like him, clumsy and full of love like nobody you've ever seen, hey, maybe you'd like them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You're distracted by the love of your life. The person you look at and realize oh, oh, oh. This is who I'm going to spend the rest of my life with, if he lets you. And he will. Because he loves you, just the same, and that'll never not give you that extra step in the morning, that extra breath of air that you'll surely need, because the first time you see him, every single day, he steals the air right from you.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You're distracted.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You don't see that, that </span>
  <em>
    <span>thing</span>
  </em>
  <span> getting back up. You don't see it - him? Them? - crawl behind the only person you've ever felt this for. You. Don't. See.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And suddenly, so suddenly, so bitterly, the love of your life screams. Loud, ear bleedingly loud.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And the air is gone from your lungs.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Not like when he sees you and his eyes light up. Not like when he hugs you first thing in the morning. Not like when he cuddles closer to you when you both fall asleep in the back of your brother's truck, and the sun just starts to peak out and wake you both up.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>No. Not like that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Because you look, you look, and you see. And you know. And. And. And.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>There's a hole in his stomach. Gaping. Open. Bleeding. And you, you, poor useless little you, can't do anything. And he falls. And you fall, right onto your knees as you stare at him, so close, yet so far. And he's still bleeding. And you still can't breathe.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Suddenly, oh so suddenly, you were just standing, weren't you? Everything was just fine, wasn't it? You're both on the ground and you just feel angry, angry angry angry. You want to scream. You crawl, instead, towards him, always towards him. He's the light at the end of the tunnel. He's so good. And you're so bad. And you don't deserve him. But you have him. He's yours. And he loves you. And you can't lose him. You. Can't. Lose. Him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You lost him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You scream. You scream until there is nothing left and even then, you don't stop. Your voice is aching and broken and it hurts. Not as much as the empty yet burning agony in your stomach, though. You don't think anything could.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>All you hear in return is a low pitched laugh, that rings around the void you seem to be sitting in. It eats at you. It laughs at you. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I did this, </span>
  </em>
  <span>it screams. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I killed him. And you can't do anything about it. I took the one thing you could still fight for, the one thing you could call yours, and I broke it. I tore the wiring out, and you can't fix it, Miles.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You can't fix it, Miles. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>You can't fix him.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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